you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
