Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
