a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
