I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
