I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
