it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
