hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
