Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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