He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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