If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
