Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
