My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
