I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
