I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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