he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
