I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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