In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
