I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
