i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize