I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this just has baby written all over it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
