people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
