if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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