um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They took my balls.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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