I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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