Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
