He told me they were just razor bumps!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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