erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just cropdusted the office
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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