it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
