great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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