Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
