youre lurking in front of me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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