singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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