had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
