Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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