You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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