I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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