Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
