she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
