He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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