I'm going to jail i love you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
