The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
