i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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