i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
