We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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