Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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