So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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