If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
