you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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