I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
