i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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