He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she told me i tasted like america
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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