All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
