My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
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