Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
