can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
