what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?