I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.