i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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