its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
