booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
