also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
