So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
