My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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