If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
