I feel great
I just peed on a car
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
