so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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