Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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