everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
