My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
cat food counts as protein by the way
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
