look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
