Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
