The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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